


Holy night

by captain_emmajones



Series: of cinnamon, chocolate and bitterness [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, bb emma angst, cs fluff, i mean there's angst but there's definitely fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6623302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_emmajones/pseuds/captain_emmajones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little fliclets about Emma's childhood, and Emma in general. First one : Christmas, or the story of how long it took to the savior to remember how Christmas is supposed to feel like. <br/>" You can walk around all you like with your stupid ideas about love and fairytales and happy endings and without realizing it you can also wake up in jail pregnant.<br/>She stops celebrating Christmas the year her baby is born.<br/>She stops celebrating Christmas the year she abandons her baby and herself."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holy night

**Author's Note:**

> Hii, so i'm a little bit of an Emma Swan fan, and i have many ideas to write about her childhood and how she became the woman she is. So if you like it please leave a little kudo ♥

**“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7**

She’s three years old, and there are stars in her eyes, and her smile is bigger than the universe, and her laughter is the purest melody in this world.

And mama is holding her against her chest as she discovers the presents under the tree, _look what Santa got you Emma_ , and the next second she’s on the ground and she’s making a mess of confettis.

And really, if she weren’t this young she would have seen the tears in Miss Swan’s eyes, she would have heard the goodbye in the sound of paper being torn apart, she would have catched the “I hope she’ll get to keep them in the system” from her dad.

“The baby will have toys too ?” eventually asks the little girl as she neglects her toys, touching her mother’s belly, a belly which is getting rounder and bigger.

And she doesn’t understand why her mom’s face suddenly breaks, and she’s scared she’s made a mistake so she puts her tiny hands on her mother’s cheek and she tells her she loves her, and she hopes her mama feels better.

She always feels better after an “i love you” from her.

* * *

 

She’s thirteen years old, and the stars in her eyes are barely shining, and she knows they are dying, they are leaving her.

_Everyone_ eventually leaves.

She squeezes herself in a tiny corner in the dark street, and she’s so cold, it’s her first run away. She couldn’t bare to spend Christmas with her abuser.

And still, she can’t hold back the tears that are burning her eyes and this lump in her throat that keeps her from breathing as she should.

She knows she had a family until she was three, she knows she has someone to hate for _this_ , but she has forgotten the most important part.

Grown up Emma doesn’t remember how Christmas is supposed to feel like.

A smile splits her young face. She will probably never know.

* * *

 

She’s seventeen years old, and she’s surprised to say the stars are not dead yet.

Dare she say, the stars are rebirthing. And it’s all because of _him_.

“So what do you think Emma ?” asks Neal, and he has the dreamiest smile she has ever seen, and he _loves_ her.

They are in the back of that damn yellow car, under tons and tons of covers, rests of fast food in the front, and it smells terrible, but it also starts to smell like home. In the background, she hears the infamous holy night, and she feels so peaceful and wanted.

“I think I love you.” She whispers, shining eyes. “And I also think that’s enough.” 

* * *

 

She learns later that it wasn’t enough. That _she_ wasn’t enough.

That you can walk around all you like with your stupid ideas about love and fairytales and happy endings and without realizing it you can also wake up in jail pregnant.

She stops celebrating Christmas the year her baby is born. *

She stops celebrating Christmas the year she abandons her baby and herself.

* * *

 

She’s twenty eight, and the stars are long gone in her eyes, but Mary Margaret insists, she wants her to be there at the town’s party and she can’t say no to her roommate.

It’s strange to have someone who hugs you at midnight, to have someone who cradles your head and whispers _“Merry Christmas Emma”_ and she’s scared to get used to it because _people leave_.

* * *

 

She’s thirty, and the stars are in her eyes, but it’s only a mirage, because she’s living a lie and she has forgotten that everyone left her.

But then there’s a knock on her door, and she swears the tender blue she meets is the realest thing she has ever seen in her life.

(Eventually Walsh leaves her. And she pushes _him_ away, to keep him from leaving her too.)

* * *

 

 She’s thirty two, and there are no longer stars in her eyes, but constellations, and it doesn’t feel like home, it _is_ home.

Everyone is reunited at her house, at their house, they are celebrating Christmas, and Killian even insisted to put all those cheesy decorations, and she had to whine about it but honestly she doesn’t mind.

Her parents are in the kitchen, preparing the yule log, the only part of the diner they haven’t eaten yet, and Regina and Robin are on the couch with the last born child while Rolland is playing with Henry, and it’s adorable.

Belle is being her amazing self with baby Neal, carefully playing with the little child as she is herself pregnant of six month now, and Killian well…Killian is his dashing self, trying to put together one of Rolland’s toy, awfully concentrated and handsome.

_And what about you Emma ?_ asks teenage Emma who has just run away from her fifth home and who really just wants to be loved. _Are you happy in the end ?_  

She must have been staring because Killian looks up and pours his pretty eyes in hers, and his lips mime an “i love you” and her heart skips a beat.

A smile slowly illuminates her face.

_I am._


End file.
